18,250 Days of Being a Woman- the decade of my forties

My birthday was a month ago... the series I'm doing of looking back at past decades is taking a while! Life is busier than normal right now and I can only justify spending a certain amount of time for writing here so it's taking some time to get this all down...

Here is what I've written in other decade posts:

The decade of my thirties 

The decade of my twenties

I guess it makes sense that a lot happens/ changes in a ten year time period. Since the average life expectancy is somewhere in the 70's, that's only seven decades (assuming one makes it that far...), so each one should have a lot going on. 

My forties had a lot going on because we were in the busiest season of our lives for part of it, I started working after a decade of not working, the pandemic occurred during my forties, two kids graduated high school/ became adults in this decade and much more. I'll try to recap it chronologically when I can.

For the first three years of my forties, none of the kids were driving and they were all in after school activities. Some of the activities were very time consuming (three day week practices, numerous weekend games and practices, travel fairly often out of state for games, tournaments, competitions, etc.) so this time period was an extremely busy one for us.  When Jacob got his driver's license and was able to drive, that alleviated some of our running around. We also relied on carpools for the girls' activities which meant that we didn't have to be gone so much. The carpools and Jacob driving was great when that time came, but the truth was that there were few evenings during the week when all of us were home all evening together. Our busy life didn't look much different than other suburbanites in our cohort. It was and is the thing to have kids in activities (and especially if the kids are good at something, to have them in the most competitive program). Looking back, I wish we hadn't been quite as busy but at the time, we were doing the best we could, trying to give our kids opportunities. 

Donnie and I went away for a long weekend early in my forties. It was for our 15th wedding anniversary. We were not and are not frequent travelers without the kids so it was a pretty big deal to make it out of town. We went to Cabo San Lucas in Mexico. It was good to get away; we have not done so much as a long weekend without the kids since (our 24th anniversary is right around the corner). Maybe 25 will entail a trip? 

I began substitute teaching in my early 40's. I did not like it AT ALL when I first started. It took me several years to feel comfortable in the role (I am not educated as an educator and being a teacher never sounded appealing to me (it still doesn't! I know being an actual teacher is not something that I would be good at or enjoy doing)). I hardly subbed at all the first few years that I had my license. Once Alyssa started middle school, I began subbing in our district's two middle schools and discovered I really like the age group of middle schoolers. Subbing pays very little (in today's vernacular, it doesn't pay a "living wage") but the flexibility is wonderful and because we lived completely fine/ were able to save money on one income for so many years, I didn't and don't have to make a lot of money. I've had many a bad sub job day but I've gotten to know some great people who work at the schools where I sub (teachers and other staff), have felt that I've made a positive impact on some kids, and right now, feel like this is the best job for me. 

My second to oldest brother Jay died when I was in my forties. He, unfortunately, lived a life defined by pain and died from complications of the childhood disease that he was diagnosed with at age three. Since he was three years older than me, I never knew him as anything other than a sick child turned sick adult. In spite of living in constant pain (the strong medications he took as a child damaged his esophagus and stomach. He could not eat food without experiencing pain), he was able to graduate college in a five year medical program called cytotechnology and carved a successful career for himself. 

All three kids were teenagers for most of my forties. So yeah! Enough said about that. All the teen things happened- the good, the bad and the ugly! Two of our kids became adults when I was in my forties, graduated high school and started college. If having kids move out for college isn't one of the life's jarring moments, I don't know what is...

I ran my last marathon in my forties. I was right around 45 years old, I believe when I ran my last one. I'm grateful the ol' legs made it 26.2 for as many marathons as it did ;). I was never speedy but I always made it to the finish line. Slow and steady does not win a running race but... you'll get to the finish line eventually!

The pandemic began in my forties- my late forties to be exact. Like the topic of teenagers, I could go on and on about this topic but will chose to make it fairly brief. I will confine my sharing to one aspect of the pandemic that's been on my mind recently: I'm grateful that Donnie and I saw eye to eye on all the issues relating to the pandemic: from the initial shutdowns, to mask wearing, to staying away from loved ones, to travel, to double, triple or quadruple mask wearing (!!!) and finally to the vaccine and vaccine mandates, we agreed on it all. In many ways it isn't surprising that we agreed- the issues all became political and we always have been and are in agreement on all social and economic political issues. I know of some couples who disagreed with each other on some of the salient issues that arose during the pandemic which resulted in additional stress during an already stressful and uncertain time.

In the process of determining our position on each issue, we engaged in much discussion of and reading about the issues pertaining to the pandemic. I'm glad that we had the discernment to avoid groupthink and not taking an "expert's" opinion as bona fide truth. Using common sense, the knowledge of the nature of mankind, and reading articles about the the nature of viruses and what has and what hasn't worked, we were able to make our own decisions.  It seemed evident to us when something that a politician, government bureaucrat or news media outlet proclaimed didn't pass the stink test. When the viewpoints of many on certain topics began to be censored by the government/ big tech and issues were deemed "settled" when prior to the pandemic, questioning and debating scientific theories was the norm- again, we used common sense to discern and make decisions. Anyway, like I said, I'm just very thankful that we agreed on everything pertaining to the pandemic.

And those evenings we spent apart when we someone was at dance, soccer, play practice, basketball, lacrosse, and/ or gymnastics? Well, we got a few of them back during the pandemic when Jacob came home from college and the all events were cancaled. Lastly, we got Covid. Thankfully, we were among the 99.6% of people who got it and survived to tell the story. Though items can only pass the sniff test for me metaphorically. I lost my sense of smell and it is not nearly back to 100%. When students complain about someone passing gas at school or the teachers complain about some students who forgot to use deodorant, I am unaffected by the malodorous scents emanating therefrom. 

I was able to celebrate turning fifty while still in my forties ;). I'm thankful for family who traveled far to be part of the celebration. While getting older is deleterious in so many ways (the lines, the saginess, the slowing metabolism, the gray hair- gosh, I'm depressing myself so I'll stop), it some ways it is not. Appreciation for decades long love and adoration of others is one of the best things about it and my birthday get together proved that.

Here are a few pictures from the decade:

How it started:

I was forty or forty one here. 

How it went many years later... this was last year when I was 49.

I could say something pithy like having three teenagers aged me but in reality, ten years aged me!! And everyone changed quite a bit in those years.

3RNR KDS then

3RNR KDS last summer

In Mexico for our anniversary...

Everyone learns that life is not fair at some point. When you grow up with a sibling who spent part of his childhood in a wheelchair, many nights in a hospital, and experienced pain a lot, you learn that life is not fair real quick. I believe, insofar as anyone is capable of believing in things not seen or heard, that Jay is heaven, rejoicing in heaven with my parents and all those in heaven, living a perfect life devoid of all pain.

Alyssa played a high level soccer team for a few years during my forties. At one point, her CUP team was ranked 28th in the nation out of six hundred select soccer teams her age group. Playing on top teams required a lot of travel and time commitment. Alyssa played games and tournaments as far away as Colorado, Illinois, New York, Missouri, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, South Carolina and many games in closer states to us like Michigan, Indiana and Kentucky. In addition, she played many games all over Ohio. Top select soccer teams lead players to commitments to play soccer at division one colleges. Alyssa's last coach told her that he saw Alyssa playing soccer at a top division one team (assuming she stayed at the same level she was playing at then). The problem was that Alyssa stopped loving the game and was certain that she didn't want to play soccer in college. With that certainty, it made no sense to have her continue playing select soccer. Donnie and I considered "making" her continue in case she would regret quitting soccer later but then decided that childhood was too short to make her continue to do something so time consuming that she didn't love.

Getting tot the ball quickly was Alyssa's defensive forte:

Alyssa got control of the ball and the other girl got called for a foul. Alyssa was fouled a lot!! She frustrated a lot of forwards and strikers. 

Her games got us to Colorado...

South Carolina

Abby's dance likewise took us to some far away destinations like Florida (multiple times), Maryland, and Tennessee and some not far but not close places like Kentucky and Indiana. Abby did competition dance all through her school days and I was hoping she'd dance in college. She considered it but she was a fitness influencer at the time and thought that the dance team would be too much in addition to influencing and college.  I had to "settle" for the dance memories (and thousands of pictures) of the previous thirteen years of dance when Abby was done with dance after high school. 

Florida (I think...)

Ocean City, Maryland

Nashville

One of the marathons I ran in my forties...

There were proms...

... and grad parties

Saying good- bye to friends to start a new chapter...

...building a future in Cincy

During the pandemic, we explored the area around us more as weekends and week nights were not filled with all the things...

On rainy days, we got the craft supplies out and created

... and did the best we could within the rules the state enacted to curb the virus (I wish I had taken more pictures of the signs (literally) of the pandemic times)

Celebrating with my siblings (I was still forty nine!)

... and with my best guy!

I'm thankful for God's mercies and faithfulness in this decade full of both wonderful and difficult events.